I belong to a Facebook group for independent educational consultants. Most of the posts are requests for advice, information, and a steady stream of commiseration. (It’s soo hard working with entitled kids and their privileged parents who can afford our hefty fees!) In a recent post, however, a colleague shared this tragic news: “I got a dreaded text message this morning from a mom. Her husband tried to commit suicide last night by hanging himself and the son found him. He has been declared brain dead and today they will decide whether to pull the plug or not.” (The professional connection is that the son and daughter are her clients.)

Almost immediately, another colleague, let’s call her CCT, a “top contributor,” meaning someone who is never at a loss for words, presumably an extrovert, chimes in: “Forgive me the language point — a thing you can do immediately is to say ‘died by suicide’ rather than “committed” and not feed the stigma associated with this manner of death.” Are you kidding me? (See my subtitle above or WTH, if you prefer the G-rated version.) A man attempts to end his life, ends up brain dead, his wife has to make the agonizing decision to pull the plug, and this is the first thing that pops into her head?!? No, CCT, it is COMMIT, as in to “carry out or perpetrate.”

I know, I know. Mental health advocates prefer “died by suicide” because “it removes culpability from the person who has lost their life and allows a discussion about the disease or disorder from which they were suffering.” Using the traditional phrase “commit suicide” is not victim-blaming. It is merely a description of how a person ends her/his life. This explains why I’m not going to jump on this particular bandwagon du jour.

For good measure, I doubt if this man’s family would forgive you, CCT, for your impertinence. You can say “died by suicide” until the cows come home but you have no right to impose your linguistic standards on others. For god’s sake, woman, dispense with your pedanticism and have some (fill in the blank) tact: adroitness and sensitivity in dealing with others or with difficult issues. Resist temptation. Your “agenda” doesn’t have to intrude upon these conversations. This was “a time to keep silence,” not “a time to speak.”

Shalom (שלום), MAA